What to Expect While Aging Part IV

The last three blog essays I’ve published have talked about aging - what changes may take place during the aging process and about what various responders, who are 55 or older, answered in my survey on how they view aging and about how expectations vs. reality play out while aging, and I shared some of my aging journey. This week’s essay is a continuation of my personal aging process and observations. As a 67 year old woman, I share some of my aging process, Disclaimer: I will be straightforward, speak from my experience, from a woman’s perspective. And, I caution you not to feel aging is hopeless. You may age smoothly or not. It simply is what it is.

As I prepared to write this, I generated a list of aspects of aging to address:

hair

skin/wrinkles and ‘dimpling’/ fat rolls

makeup

memory/mental sharpness

muscle tone / weight gain

eyes and ears

voice quality

balance / mobility

attitude / personality

sexuality / dating / relationships

examining one’s core values/beliefs

digestive issues

urinary incontinence

taste

medicines

self-awareness

agism

caring for elderly parents while you are aging yourself

clothing and footwear

Medicare / Social Security

This week, I’m talking about a few of these items - the ones underlined; last week’s blog addressed the other items on the list above: see https://www.reimaginelifecoach.com/post/what-to-expect-while-aging-part-iii .

I hope sharing my aging journey with you is beneficial and not scary. “You can't stop the aging process, but you can make choices that improve your ability to maintain an active life, to do the things you enjoy, and to spend time with loved ones” (https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/healthy-aging/in-depth/aging/art-20046070). Some of this week’s topics on aging are highly personal and I’ve shared as much as I feel comfortable sharing in this venue.

Whether you refer to them as ‘senior moments’ or ‘brain fog,’ forgetfulness, slowing down of mental processing speed and effectiveness, memory loss, mental sharpness, it is tough to escape having memory challenges as we get older. I feel fortunate I haven’t experienced any mental processing issues yet. It seems to be bad luck for those who end up with dementia of some kind, and good luck for those who stay mentally sharp all of their lives. Still, Harvard Medical School reminds us that, “Studies have shown that you can help prevent cognitive decline and reduce the risk of dementia with some basic good health habits:

* staying physically active

* getting enough sleep

* not smoking

* having good social connections

* limiting alcohol to no more than one drink a day

* eating a Mediterranean style diet.

Memory and other cognitive changes can be frustrating, but the good news is that, thanks to decades of research, you can learn how to get your mind active. There are various strategies we can use to help maintain cognitive fitness. Here are several you might try” (https://www.health.harvard.edu/promotions/harvard-health-publications/improving-memory-understanding-age-related-memory-loss) .

How am I attempting to maintain effective, sharp cognitive processing? I don’t drink alcohol anymore. I don’t smoke. I get refreshing sleep. I exercise almost every day. I write every day, even if it’s an email, it’s writing. I read every day, even if it’s through an Audible book. I practice mindfulness, meditation. I do not ruminate over the past or anxiously await the future. I am always learning something; I take classes on all sorts of topics and I take interesting courses online. I do yogic, deep breathing to fill my blood cells with oxygen that will wash over and into my brain.

Memory challenges are only one of the changes that come during the aging journey. Many people in their 50s to older ages notice their hearing is declining. Some are reluctant to get hearing aids because they think it makes them feel / look old. In an article on when should you get a hearing exam, the author suggests, “The last time most adults had their hearing checked was in grade school. If that’s true of you, it’s time to schedule an appointment. Adults should get their hearing tested at least once, ideally after age 21. Your doctor can do it during your annual physical exam. A baseline test will show you where your hearing is at that point. That way, when you’re older, an audiologist can better understand how much it has changed and give you the right treatment. If you’re not having hearing loss, you should continue to get tested every 10 years until you turn 50, and every 3 years after that”(https://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/do-i-need-an-ear-exam). I had my hearing checked a few years ago and showed I am still hearing well. That was a relief after years of going to super loud concerts and wearing headphones pumping in music; I was surprised I didn’t need hearing help. My 94 year old father has worn hearing aids for many decades and his hearing is okay; my 91 year old mother has hearing loss, but does not want to go to be hearing tested because she does not want hearing aids. I don’t know if the reasons some people will not wear hearing aids is vanity or cost or they are worried they will have spent a lot of money and the aids don’t help enough. If I ever need hearing aids, I’ll get them because I don’t want to miss out on hearing the beautiful sounds of music and of nature. In addition to possibly experiencing hearing diminishment / loss, you may find lots of hair growing out of your ears (and nose). Women and men may see over-growth of ‘terminal hairs’ such as hair in the ears and nose. So, be prepared to trim that hair.

Your eyes- around 40 years old, you may need to wear reading glasses to see up close, or you will need to get bi or tai-focal glasses. When I turned around 43, I got reading glasses at the lowest magnification to wear with my contacts and I got a pair of prescription bi-focal glasses to wear when I didn’t wear my contact lenses. Eventually, I tried bi-focal contact lenses and they were a trip - not for me! Around 50, I started having night vision issues and by my late 50s, I was experiencing reduced peripheral vision and severely droopy upper eyelids. I attributed the sagging lids to genetics because my father has them. But, that wasn’t the case. More on that later. And, by my early 60s, I was on the ‘cataract watch/wait.’ If you think you’ll escape this fate, think again because, “By age 65, more than 90 percent of people in the United States will develop cataracts. Cataracts occur when the lens in your eye becomes cloudy from natural proteins that build up over time” (www.mayoclinic.org). So, there’s a very good chance you’ll need to have your cataracts removed and a new lenses sewn in. Insurance companies won’t pay for your cataract surgery until your cataracts get quite bad. When the time comes to get the surgery, the doctor usually removes one and replaces your eye with a new lens. In my situation, I opted for replacement lenses that corrected my nearsightedness so that I don’t need to wear contact lens or glasses, although reading glasses are sometimes helpful. After one lens is removed, the doctor will remove the other lens a week to two weeks later. The healing time is a few days. Cataract surgery can be done with a scalpel or laser. Often, your insurance company will not pay for the laser cataract removal. That’s what happened to me; my insurance would only pay for the traditional scalpel method.

Now, back to the droopy eyelids. As it turned out, it wasn’t just genetics; I had a weakened inner lid muscle that had overextended and needed an ‘eyelid tuck’ to restore my full range of vision and to eliminate the double-vision bouts I was having. I ended up having a bilateral blepharoplasty surgery that entailed pulling up my inner eyelid and stitching it in place, and, because the dropping situation had gone on for many years, my exterior eyelids needed to have some skin removed and pulled up and stitched into place too. This was a more complex surgery and took about six weeks to heal. Lots of people have cosmetic ‘bleph’ surgery, so insurance companies don’t want to pay for it. In my case, the inner eyelid was approved by the insurance company and was paid for. The bad news is they refused to pay for the exterior eyelid surgery, so, I had to pay for it out of pocket, about $1600. Since my cataracts and blepharoplasty surgeries, my eyes work very well. I still have some night vision challenges, so, I don’t drive often at night now.

Be prepared for your voice to change. If you spoke with a high, breathy voice in your younger years, you may find that your voice has dropped in pitch. If you like to sing and had been a coloratura soprano, for example you may turn into a contralto as you age. Your rate of speech and your voice strength may change. For me, I had been a singer and was a soprano with a more silvery, crystal quality to my voice; now, my voice has significantly lowered and has a warmer, golden tone to it. I’ve noticed many older people slur their words and have gravely voices. In addition, because of hearing struggles, many older people speak too loudly or too softly.

Your sense of taste may change as you age. Medications can contribute to the loss of taste. Your food preferences and what you enjoy tasting may change. Along with changes in taste, you may also experience digestive issues as the digestive system begins to break down in the aging process. Perhaps that’s why so many older people have problems with lots of passing gas. Medications can also affect the digestive process. For me, I’ve developed a more ‘sensitive’ digestive system as I have aged. Foods that I used to love and had no problem digesting now cause me discomfort. Changes in solids elimination can also present itself in the aging process. Talk with your doctor if you are starting to see these issues.

It’s not just solids elimination that can challenge you, but, also urinary weakness, incontinence, lack of strong bladder control is common when aging. It may start with leaking when you exercise, laugh, cough, or wash your hands. I tried pelvic floor exercises, medications, and pads / disposable underwear. Nope! It’s not pleasant, but, it is what it is and it’s not the ‘end of the world.’ There are lots of treatment approaches, including surgery, you can discuss with your doctor when urinary challenges appear.

Okay, it’s time to talk about sexuality / relationships / dating as we age. I will share as much as I feel comfortable about and will attempt to be straightforward about my experience. This is such a delicate, intimate topic, and I almost didn’t include it, but, it is important to consider when thinking about the aging process. And, I acknowledge not everyone experiences age-related sexual challenges. Still, it’s common for everyone to have some changes in their sex lives while aging. I enjoy the single life and on occasion, I have relationships / date. Still, I’m not interested in having a sex life with another person - been there, done that. No, we don’t all turn into ‘cougars.’ No, I don’t want to take testosterone or other hormones. No, I don’t need therapy. No, I don’t buy into the myth that having sex into your old age helps you stay young. There are lots of reasons why some people decide to close down their sexual lives with other people. As women age, our vagina’s shrink and penetration sex is often downright painful. Yes, there are lubricants, but, they don’t always make it comfortable enough for women. Perhaps, for some women, “use it or lose it” is true when it comes to having a sexual life with other people. For others, they are relieved that their sexual life with another person is over. The loss of interest combined with the painful penetration seems particularly unfair because, at a time when women no longer have to concern themselves with birth control and their children have flown the coop, some women ‘are closed for business and want to be open for pleasure.’ Of course, men face their own sexual life aging process: lack of ability (ED), enlarged prostate, decrease in hormone levels.

Still, sex isn’t simply one style. If you aren’t in a relationship, don’t want a sexual relationship with another person, or experience painful penetration that is terribly unpleasant, then try other sexual activities and get you a sex toy. Pleasing yourself is not something that will send you to hell, like some church people warn. There seem to be only benefits to enjoying a sex toy: no cumbersome relationship issues with which to deal, toys are ready when you are, gets your blood pumping, doesn’t care what you look like or that you’ve put on 40 lbs., does not need or want Vigara, does not need a condom, does not need a STD test before use, and it works every time (assuming you recharge it / replace the batteries). Of course, if you are in a relationship or marriage where continuing a sex life is important to you both, then see both of your doctors to work out how to enjoy the sexual part of your relationship in ways that are mutually pleasant.

Another aspect of the aging process may mean taking more prescription meds. According to the CDC, the percentage of Americans between, “60-79 years old who take one or more prescription medications is 83.6%; the percentage of this same group and age who take five or more prescription drugs is 34.5%” (https://www.cdc.gov). No, Medicare does not pay all prescription drugs’ costs. For me, I take only one prescription med to lower my triglycerides, and, I’m in the process of weaning off of this medication.

If you are reading this and you are not retired yet and don’t have a clue about Social Security and Medicare, it’s time to educate yourself because both of them, as government managed elements that you have paid into and are entitled to, are quite complex and it would be easy to choose poorly. I was fortunate to have had a good friend who was well-versed in Social Security and had the help of the son of a high friend who is in the business of helping people manage through the maze of choices for Medicare.

I hope you aren’t apprehensive about your own aging journey. The extraordinary, fantastic benefits aging may bring you can outweigh the downsides, challenges. Your health is a contributing factor to your enjoying the journey of aging. Your mindset is an especially powerful influencer on how you travel through the aging process. I have heard that ‘when you get old, you are more of what you were when you were young.’ Yes, habits of behavior are fairly established by older age, but, you don’t need to allow yourself to fossilize. Stay open. Truly, and without judgment, listen to what the Millennials and the Gen Zers are saying. Examine all of your indoctrinated beliefs to discover, or uncover, truth for you. Do not think like, behave like an "old person." Stay willing to learn, willing to listen, willing to accept and enjoy life as it is. Do not wait for 'one day' to travel; do it now because you may not be able to travel easily later in life.

Focus on being self-aware. Do not lie to yourself. If others, such as family for example, are noticing you don’t drive as well as you used it, perhaps you need to stop driving. Be honest with yourself about it. Get a behind-the-wheel driving assessment of your driving skills. Please do not get belligerent with your grown children / friends who let you know you they don’t think you should be driving anymore. Grieve the loss of the freedom driving offers you, then, plan how you’ll get around without driving yourself. You will notice other skills, activities you used to do easily or enjoy are no longer in your set of abilities as you age. Mourn the loss and be self-aware. Pretending you can still do certain things when it is obvious you cannot leads to profound unhappiness, anger, and depression. Do you think this is the root of why so many older people appear to be crabby, cranky, angry at the world? My elderly parents are not always self-aware and that may be a consequence of their “can-do-never-give-up” generational trait, from their deepening age-related dementia, from medications they take, from their headstrong personalities, or a combination of these elements. For example, my parents angrily insist they can take care of themselves at 91 and 94 so they refuse to allow helpers to come in to take care of things for them when I need to or want to be away. It simply is not true that they are fine on their own. They are dependent on my care, and, when I need a break from caregiving, they are uncooperative. Not embracing self-awareness will bring you a host of disappointments.

Prepare your will, your general Power of Attorney (POA), your Medical wishes and Medical POA, what you want to happen after you die - a grave, donating your body to medical education / research, cremation, other organic reduction options. Prepare what kind of funeral, memorial service, party, or no service you want. Type it up; let your family know your wishes. Then, you can forget about it and go on with enjoying your life. Please do not put your family is the horrible situation of asking them to promise they will never ‘put you in a nursing home.’ That’s unfair to them and you have no idea how you’ll age and what assistance you will need if the time comes. See my blog post on “Walking Them Home” for more on how to prepare: https://www.reimaginelifecoach.com/post/walking-them-home For me, I have all arrangements taken care of: body donated to LSU Medical School, don’t want a funeral / memorial service - I’d rather a party with lots of dancing! I’ve minimized so my daughter won’t have mountains of stuff to deal with when I die. A great resource for organizing everything before you die, The Peace of Mind Planner, is described on Amazon this way: “Use this helpful planner to give you and your loved ones peace of mind! Enter vital details about your contacts, legal matters, health, financial affairs, instructions, and more in this guided planner, and keep it in a secure location. Archival, acid-free paper helps preserve your information. Durable hardcover with concealed wire-o binding. 96 pages with 17 tabbed sections. Measures 8-1/2'' wide x 11'' high.”

That wraps up this part of “What to Expect While Aging.” This was the toughest essay in the series to write because some of the topics are tricky to think about. Everyone ages differently and worrying about how you go through the aging process steals your present joy. There is no good reason to fret over it; go with the flow; allow aging to unfold in its time and in its manner for you.

Thank you for reading this blog essay; if you read this on social media, please type your comments below. Or, if you read this in your subscription, please share your thoughts in an email to me at reimaginelife22@gmail.com.