What Influencers Don't Get

I wish I had $5 for every time I see a video from a 20-something influencer on social media share how women over 50 ‘ought to’ wear their hair, their makeup, their clothes / shoes / accessories.  What I’ve seen is many of them start like this: “Why do older women let themselves go after 50”?  For these influencers, their followers, and anyone reading this blog post, I pose a different question: Why don’t you let go of YOURSELF * at any age?

Letting go of yourself means letting go of your EGO*.  The ego is telling you how you ‘ought to’ look and behave. The ego is focused on the exterior - the most shallow state, what others think of you, what others judge you on. And, the ego focuses you on the exterior of what you think of others, what you judge others on. You may think influencers are there to help you, but, they are not.  They are pushing their judgments on you, appealing to your ego, discouraging you feeling powerful about yourself and your inner life as you already are.  How you treat other people and how you treat yourself with love, kindness, compassion, empathy, the positive thoughts and intentions you express - those are all interior attributes that demonstrate your depth beyond the surface looks.

From Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose, the author shares this wisdom, about the ego: “Ego-generated emotions are derived from the mind’s identification with external factors which are, of course, all unstable and liable to change at any moment. The deeper emotions are not really emotions at all but states of Being. Emotions exist within the realm of opposites. States of Being can be obscured, but they have no opposite. They emanate from within you as the love, joy, and peace that are aspects of your true nature” (pp. 136-137). I highly recommend reading this book because the principles don’t change over time; I have read it many times as a reminder to lay down my ego.  For people who have a strength in confidence, like me, it is essential to learn to tell your ego to stand down because it’s only a quarter turn from confidence to arrogance.

Here are some examples of what letting go of my ego looks like. And, this is just for me; I'm not judging you if you have a different perspective on it:

• not needing the newest technology simply because it’s new and would make me look “cool” having it

• Self-adornment can be fun and can be a personal choice to delight myself; when I do choose self-adornment, it isn't about ego if I do it to make myself happy. If I am adorning to show up for others to admire, that's the ego at work: I don't color my hair anymore and I don't wear makeup anymore because when I did, it was my ego showing up and showing off.

• wearing whatever I want that makes me feel great, no matter what others say I ‘should’ wear

• consider embracing a "Let Them" ** attitude

• not overthinking

• not caring what other people think of me, my appearance, my home, my vehicle

• not judging others on their exterior appearance, on their home, on their mode of transportation

• not having to have possessions to make me feel good about myself - consider embracing minimalism

• focusing on my inner life, spirituality, positivity, learning new things and cultivating perspectives that are wise

• doing good for others while focusing on them rather than on ‘what a good person I am for helping the downtrodden’

• remembering that fortunes can change in a moment; I am not attached to ‘what was’ or ‘what will be’

• remaining in the present moment rather than living in the past or living for the future

• communing with God, the Higher Power, Source, Divine Being

• letting go of religious dogma / doctrine / rules / traditions that could cause me to be intolerant and judgmental of others

• not being arrogant -I am no more special or important than anyone else

• acknowledging that if others don’t want to ‘play nice,’ let them - it’s on them, not on me

Consider the differences between ‘influencing’ and ‘inspiring’  and how the ego is and is not involved. Leadership tutor, Kathryn Knights shares, “I'm not one for blowing my own trumpet, but one of my friends called me 'inspirational' last week. Later in the same week, I was chatting to my sister over dinner who had been asked, as part of an ice-breaker activity, to identify who her influences were. This got the two of us talking about inspiration and influence - what's the difference? Is it better to be inspirational or influential? Time for some clarity. Inspiration sparks emotions in us. It uplifts us, generates new ideas and makes us feel that things are possible. Inspiration doesn’t have intent. We take our inspiration and do what we want with it. [On the other hand,] influence has a goal. Influencing others requires a conscious awareness of exerting a force or provoking change on a consistent basis. Influence makes things happen” (https://www.professionalacademy.com/inspiration-and-influence-whats-the-difference/). ‘Influencing’ involves exerting the ego over others and tempting them to over-engage their ego. Influencing can come off as manipulative. ‘Inspiring’ lays the ego aside; because it doesn’t have an intent to force ideas on others, the ego is less involved. To social media influencers, I resist your appeal to my ego.  To people and things that inspire me, my ego melts away and I rest in how they inspire me.

What are some specific ways you tell your ego to “stand down”? What are ways you inspire rather than influence? Please share your stories, thoughts, insights, and suggestions by either commenting below this post if you are reading this on social media, or, if you are reading this through your email subscription, please share, by emailing me, at reimaginelife22@gmail.com.

Thank you for reading and participating in this blog essay; I invite you to subscribe to my blog at www.reimaginelifecoach.com.

* for emphasis, not ‘yelling'

** For more on this principle, read The Art of Letting Them: A Radical New Way to Find Peace, Break Free from Control, and Reclaim Your Life Inspired by Cassie Phillips' Poem by Cassandra Philips - long title/great book.