Starting Over and Over and Over

According to statistics gathered by the United States Census

Bureau, a person moves an average of 11.7 times in their * lifetime (qtd. in https://verifiedmovers.com/how-many-times-does-the-average-person-move/). The most common reasons for moving and starting over are housing, family-related, and job relocation. Other reasons are for military stationing/deployment, educational pursuits, marriage, divorce, foster care, and old age or illness.

I have moved 27 times, and, no, I’m not in the military. So, I consider myself ‘expert-ish’ on the topic of starting over. lifehack.org shares 4 general tips on how to start over ( https://www.lifehack.org/810843/how-to-start-over). And, Valerie Soleil offers “12 Signs It’s Time to Start over Again and Leave Everything Behind” in her article posted on https://www.learning-mind.com/start-over-again/. These articles provide great information.

Unfortunately, many ‘start-overs’ can be more difficult than anticipated and can often be set-backs rather than leap-forwards, at least in the beginning. And, start-overs cost you something. Sometimes it’s the loss of familiarity, loss of relationships, loss of financial security that may be by-products of starting over. Still, starting over represents change, so it can be as rocky as it is exhilarating.

Because one of my life themes is ‘starting over’ again and again, I’m happy to share my observations on the experience:

1. While it’s a romantic notion to toss it all away and start fresh, start over, it takes courage, wisdom, planning, and managing the response to changes to result from a new beginning. It takes being authentic with yourself, your motives, your expectations, and your ability to take the good with the bad aspects of starting over.

2. Starting over isn’t always your choice. Your partner decides to leave you. Your job is being phased out. You’ve experienced a financial downturn. Manage your response so that you aren’t simply reacting emotionally; respond by staying in the present moment rather than lamenting the past or being too anxious about the future.

3. Starting over is energizing!

4. Even when you start over, you can change your mind.

5. Be gentle with yourself and take the time to learn from and to celebrate the experience. I had been married and divorced more than once, and, although I would not wish divorce on anyone, I learned so much from the experience that has forever changed my outlook in ways that I doubt would have happened had I not been forced start over.

6. Starting over brings freshness to life if viewed in a positive way.

7. Dwell on curating your life now rather than dwelling on the past and the ‘what ifs.’

8. Be an adventurer. You’re on your own and don’t know anyone; go out to dinner or to the movies or to an art gallery or a festival by yourself and enjoy it. Starting over can be enriching and a great time to make friends with yourself.

9. William Cowper’s poem, "The Task,” published in 1785 reminds us that, "Variety is the very spice of life, That gives it all its flavour.” (qtd. in https://www.encyclopedia.com/humanities/dictionaries-thesauruses-pictures-and-press-releases/variety-spice-life). Other writers echo this truism: “…dramatist Aphra Behn (1640–89) quipped, ‘Variety is the soul of pleasure.’ And, the Greek dramatist Euripides (c.485–c.406 bc), shares ‘a change is always nice’” (qtd in The Oxford English Dictionary of Phrase and Fable). ‘Variety’ is change and change is starting over.

10. Starting over allows us to reimagine our lives. For example, every time I prepared to move, I minimized my possessions and let go of limiting thoughts and actions. Because of starting over so often, I learned to set healthy boundaries, learned how to enjoy my own company, and discovered resources within me. Lots of win-win opportunities in starting over.

Are you starting over? I work with people to think through, plan for, and activate starting over; I am ready to assist you: reimaginelife22@gmail.com.

* While using a plural pronoun to replace a singular noun or pronoun is technically not Standard English grammar, modern use of the plural pronoun allows for respectful gender neutrality.