Single Life - Part IV

Single woman in her 50s

What are the advantages and challenges of being single? In this Part IV essay of the series on the Single Life, the focus is on the perspectives from a single woman in her 50’s. Rather than conducting a traditional interview with this lively single woman, I’m highlighting the narrative she shared in her own words.

“Being single is not something I consciously think about every day; still, it’s with me. I had been married and divorced twice, tried dating apps, and, finally, welcomed staying single.

I grew up in a strict religion that taught ‘no sex outside of marriage.’ If I had a sexual relationship, I felt I had to marry the guy because of the religious brainwashing; I paid a high price for buying into that load of BS.

Dating apps for women over 50 are disappointing. Many of the men my age want to date women in their 20/30s. I used to keep coloring my hair to make me look younger, but, I don’t anymore. I work out almost daily and stay strong, but, since I look older than 30, it seems to be a turn off. In dating, in social settings, and in work, I’ve experienced ageism and that sucks.

So, now, I go out to dinner, to plays, to films by myself if girlfriends aren’t available. I travel solo. And, here’s what I found out. I’m content being with my own company. I don’t have to ask anyone else what he wants to do; I do what I want. If I want to buy something, I buy it. If I want to take a trip, I go. If I want to take a class, I do it. If I want to have several dogs, I have them. If I want to pick up and move, I do it. I’m not lonely; and being single is so freeing. That’s the biggest advantage of being single.

What are challenges to being single? One of the biggest is that it’s more expensive to live single. There is no one to share the burden of the mortgage, car payments, bills. When the time comes, there will be only one pension and Social Security check coming in. It’s challenging, at times, when I'm in a group of couples and I’m the ‘lone wolf.’ And, I miss having a regular sex life with someone.

My adult children wish I had someone special in my life; they used to attempt to set me up, but that was a disaster. Still, they see that I am in control over my own life and I am happier for it. I wish I’d released harmful religious teachings early in my life. I would have saved myself from significant heartache. Now, my heart is for my children, my grandchild, and for me.”

* Did you enjoy these authentic narratives on the Single Life? Next week’s essay will discuss why it’s healthy to stop saying, “I’m sorry.”