Single Life - Part III-Single Man early 30’s

This week’s blog post continues exploring the Single Life. What are the advantages and challenges of being single? In the post for Part III of the series on the Single Life, the focus is on the perspectives from a single man in his early 30’s. Rather than conducting a traditional interview with this young single man, I’m highlighting the narrative he shared in his own words.

“So, I'm 32 and still currently single. I say still because it's been a drought that probably most people haven't dealt with in their lives: I've had many, many crushes in this life and fallen hard for a few, but, I've only been on one official date and that was back in November of 2020. Am I single by choice? Not really. Everyone I've asked out [has] said no. I have gotten every type of response imaginable, from the usual, ‘I only see you as a friend,’ to not my religion, to not my race, to complete ghosting.

It's not for a lack of trying, but literally, no one coming up to the plate. It doesn't help that my social skills are lacking, both figuratively and literally. After a decade of theorizing, I finally got diagnosed with high functioning autism. I have a lot of difficulty reading people unless it's super obvious [;] I take things literally most of the time. Put me in a room full of complete strangers; ask me to introduce myself to them, and you'll either see me freeze or ask a few questions [;] if all I get is small talk or someone who doesn't share lots of interests with me, I'll shut down. It's not easy for me at all and it doesn't help when people see me at age 32 and see that I basically have no experience. My generation now declares that as a massive red flag and it doesn't help that [some people may see my occupation as] a massive stigma to it. Also, apparently my looks don't help, but, that's what dating apps have told me. Whenever I've tried them, I rarely get any matches.

Am I happy with being single? At times, definitely. I love having the freedom to myself of doing whatever I want to do. I don't have to answer to anyone[;] I can control my own finances, and I don't have to worry about missed social cues, etc. I can be free as a bird, but, the question becomes if I want to be and the answer to that is no. Many people have told me over the years to be thankful that I've never been cheated on, that I've never been divorced or abused, etc. Am I thankful that I've never had that happen? Of course, but, I tell everyone the same thing: at least someone made you happy, that someone made you feel loved and important. That someone else made you a priority that wasn't out of a bond of friendship or blood. As much as I love my freedom, there [are] many days where I want to turn around to someone and be like, ‘Wow, did you see that?? Wait til you hear about this!’ I turn around and realize there's no one there. Sure, I have friends and my parents to talk to about this, but, I think we can all agree that talking about it to your friends and parents is extremely different rather than doing it via to your loved one. When I tell all these things to people, many don't understand. ‘Oh, you'll find more fish in the sea.’ ‘Oh, you'll discover them when you least expect it.’ I understand where people come from when they say these things, but, at the same time, they completely miss the point. For someone who has had issues socializing with others for their whole life, that's a lot easier said than done. I can't connect to people as easily as others can. So yeah...fun times when I hear that, especially the times when I get confident thinking that something is going to happen and yet...nope. Just another piece of my imagination running wild.

In the end, am I happy being single? Half and half. Yes, part of me loves it, but, I want someone to share this adventure known as life with [me]. Am I okay with being alone? Yes, but, am I lonely? Also yes and it gets extremely hard sometimes, especially as someone who has had anxiety and depression for 20 years.”

* Did this young man’s story of single life resonate with you? Did his words encourage you? Next week’s blog post will be another story, this time from a single woman in her 50s. Keep reading each week to engage in these authentic narratives on the Single Life.