Reimagining Success

• “Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm” (Winston Churchill).

• “If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded” (Maya Angelou).

• “Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get” (Dale Carnegie).

• “Success is being compassionate, accepting life as it is, living my integrity and values, and lifting others into their own success” (Missy Duncan - me!).

What is your definition of success?  The Cambridge Dictionary, defines it as, “the achieving of the results wanted or hoped for; something that achieves positive results” (https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/success). According to Dr. Leon Seltzer, “One author [writing about success], for example, asserts that success is achievable ‘when you try your best in all aspects of everything you do.’ And that’s actually a position several writers [on the topic of success] take. But logically, why should anyone put maximum effort into doing something not exciting or important to them, or that they don’t care about and in no way are required to? Perfectionism is hardly a coveted trait—it’s mostly a burden—and, too, it lacks any inherent relationship to people’s experiencing themselves as successful. Writers [who address the meaning of success] generally have advanced their own biases about success, revealing a lot more about their values than making the abstraction tangible. Here’s but one example in a piece entitled “19 Definitions of Success You Should Never Ignore” (2021). I won’t list all the 19 examples offered. Just a few will suffice for what I want to illustrate:

* Success is always doing your best [the most frequent criterion];

* Success is having a place to call home;

* Success is understanding the difference between need and want;

* Success is believing you can (and this presumably will ensure your success—but I’d add that this position ignores the fact that, realistically, no one can do or be everything they wish);

* Success is learning that you sometimes have to say no; and

* Success is knowing your life is filled with abundance (the author’s idealism again, but try convincing someone living in poverty with seriously addicted, abusive parents).

Those who’ve written about success don’t discuss degrees of success. They see it as either present or absent (as they do failure). That orientation also oversimplifies—or overlooks—all involved in how a particular person feels about their achievements or what they believe constitutes those achievements” (https://www.psychologytoday.com). None of these handful of definitions of success land well to me. What do you think?

In Arianna Huffington’s book Thrive, published about 11 years ago, Ms. Huffington examines the devastating cost of highly-driven success: stress, burnout, exhaustion, disconnection with others, trying to juggle multiple priorities, ‘having it all.’  Chasing the bigger paycheck, the executive titles and defining success as money and power create a troublesome narrative of the Western world because it’s a myth that we can ‘have it all’ and that focus may not be in alignment with our core values. After a devastating injury caused by being too exhausted, Ms. Huffington, reimagined her view of success.  In her book, she discusses four key pillars to being a success in life, and they might not be what you’d think.  The first pillar is well-being: prioritizing exercise, meditation, quality time with family and friends, real rest. The second pillar is wisdom: learning from experience and trusting our intuition.  Her third pillar is wonder: staying in the moment and being in sync with the flow of life, seeing things and people from a different perspective, being in nature, enjoying art in all its forms, experiencing and expressing gratitude. And, the fourth pillar is giving:to care, to show empathy and compassion.  These pillars are brilliant markers for ‘success’ because they go beyond the shallow view of just money and power as the foundational basis for success.  And, they do not emphasize comparison between me and others.

Would you consider a single mother struggling to raise up her children, working several jobs, and barely getting by successful?  I would.  If she gets up every day and gets through the day, she’s successful.  Would you consider a corporate CEO successful if he works 80 hours a week, makes $20 million a year, never has dinner with his family, and cannot tell you anything personal about any of his children?  I wouldn’t.  While I’m not comparing the worth of these two people, I’m measuring them against my definition of being successful because, to me, it isn’t just about money and power.  Sometimes, getting out of bed and showing up is enough to be successful.

Recently, someone asked me what I do.  While I know what the question meant, I don’t particularly like that question because its intention is to see where I fit in the pecking order of success.  My answer was, “I’m a writer.”  The other person asked, “Oh, are you a famous writer?”  I laughed and said, “Not yet.  But, I am famous for writing every day.”  That’s success to me.  I get up in the morning, sit in the chair, and write every day…that makes me a writer! That makes me successful in my own eyes.

How do you define success for yourself? What changes in how you view success need to be made?   Please share your stories, thoughts, insights, and suggestions by either commenting to this post if you are reading this on social media, or, if you are reading this through your email subscription, please share, by emailing me, at reimaginelife22@gmail.com.

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