Purposeful, Peaceful Holidays

At the end of the year, Thanksgiving in the USA, Hanukkah, Festivus, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Year’s Eve often dominate everyday life. In the article, “Half of Americans Will Rack Up Debt over Holidays, Survey Shows” published by DebtHammer, Maryam Kia-Keating, Professor of Clinical Psychology, states the obvious and the grim news: “Going into debt due to holiday spending has major drawbacks for your mental health…Kia-Keating says finances play a key role in stress levels. When people spend more than they have, or go into debt, their stress multiplies, Financial stress often increases conflict in family relationships, because of the spending itself when partners don’t agree, or because of the sacrifices involved in trying to pay back the debt” (qtd. in https://debthammer.org/holiday-spending-survey/).

This DebtHammer survey and article continues, “And much like the Nov. 8 election, there’s a very tight margin between the number of people who say they’ll spend more because they’re optimistic after the primaries — 7.58% — compared to 6.21% who say they’ll spend less because the outcome has left them more pessimistic.The National Retail Federation is forecasting that holiday retail sales during November and December will grow between 6% and 8% over last year, to between $942.6 billion and $960.4 billion. And that’s after last year’s $889.3 billion shattered previous records. But many families are already struggling with inflation, higher gas prices, and day-to-day expenses. The extra costs associated with gift-giving, travel and special meals are expected to bust budgets across the U.S.” (https://debthammer.org/holiday-spending-survey/).

Why do people go into debt to ‘make the holidays special’? Veronika Bondarenko shares, “Just like the pumpkin spice craze now seems to begin in August, the holiday shopping period also seems to creep up on us earlier and earlier. Pumpkins are already popping up by mid-September and, before we know it, the Christmas music will start hitting both small urban shops and large suburban malls. According to the latest survey of 2,415 shoppers by Bankrate, more than half plan to begin their holiday shopping by October 31. 14% are planning to start in September, 25% in October, and 38% in November. While starting early and taking advantage of Black Friday and other sales can be a good way to keep the overall bill lower, 27% will still go into debt to give everyone on their list presents. 

21% will put holiday purchases on a credit card while 10% will use a Buy Now, Pay Later service and stretch payments out over a longer time” (https://www.thestreet.com/investing/christmas-holiday-present-debt).

Ramsey Solutions provides tools to help people become financially literate; in an October 4, 2022, article, they remind us, “Ahh, Christmas. It comes around just once a year and brings joy and lots of cheer. It’s the season of giving and forgiving. It’s the season of cozy nights and settling in by a warm fire with hot chocolate. It’s the season of lights, ice skating, and endless Christmas parties. But after the lights come down and the tree goes into storage, all you have is a wallet with a holiday hangover and no money left to your name. Sound familiar? You’re not alone. For many, overspending on Christmas is just a way of life. This year, the National Retail Federation survey shows that holiday shoppers plan to spend $998 on everything from presents and pies to tinsel and trees. That’s all well and good when it’s a planned expense you can cash flow. But all that holly jolly can do a lot of damage when you put the whole Christmas shebang on your credit card” (https://www.ramseysolutions.com/budgeting/the-costly-christmas-mistake).

Overspending is not the only activity that makes the holidays frenetic and often depressing. Going into debt for the holidays brings more stress into your life. Who needs that? No one! Here are a few alternatives to overspending and experiencing crazy, exhausting holidays:

* Make the holidays purposeful: examine the reasons why you celebrate. It’s likely not for the mountains of gifts. Is it a religious or spiritual purpose? If so, honor that purposefully and simply.

* Make the holidays peaceful: taking off time from work, school, everyday life activities makes the holidays a special time. You can make it a peaceful time by gathering for a pot luck meal, playing board games, putting together a puzzle while nibbling on cookies and drinking hot chocolate. Watch a holiday movie together. Turn off the house lights and turn on the Christmas tree or light scented candles to give a simple glow.

*Stay away from ‘Black Friday’ and other frenzied events: Yes, I know the economy is counting on you to spend lots of money, but, getting caught up in the frantic pace of dashing in and grabbing (and, sometimes fighting others) sale items is not the picture of a peaceful, purposeful holiday season.

* Support local businesses and local entrepreneurs: Rather than pushing through the crowds at the ‘big box stores’, pop in to a little local shop to make purchases.

* Make your own gifts; keep it simple.

* Have a family or friends night of making holiday cookies: Have a fun ‘flour fight’ while listening to your favorite music.

* Cut down on sending lots of holiday cards: Send cards only to out of towners. Send holiday emails instead. Write a meaningful holiday letter to tuck into holiday cards. Cards are expensive to buy and to mail, so, let the card and holiday letter be the gift you give.

* Go away for the holidays: Take a cruise. Rent a cabin in the woods. Go to the beach. Go skiing. Spend the money you would have spent on gifts to take a trip.

* Say ‘yes’ to only the activities you truly want to participate in.

* Listen to & tell family stories together: Share fun stories of holidays from the past.

* Go to a local church or civic center that is holding a free holiday sing-along.

* Stop watching the news for a week during the holidays: All of the sadness and evil in the world does not need your attention 24/7.

* For the holidays, turn off the other screens - cell phones, iPads, laptops - and unhook from the Internet and computer from, for example, 6:00 p.m. until you awaken the next day. See my blog post from last week about replacing FOMO with JOMO.

* Read uplifting holiday stories together as a family: A Christmas Carol, The Very Hungry Caterpillar’s 8 Nights of Chanukah, Seven Spools of Thread: A Kwanzaa Story, The Little Girl and the Winter Whirlwinds, The Fir Tree, The Gift of the Magi, The Set of Poe are a few examples.

* Go see holiday light displays: As cheesy as it sounds, this is a simple and cheap activity. When you get home, make hot cocoa with a peppermint cane stirrer and make a batch of holiday cookies.

* Serve at a shelter or be a ‘Secret Santa’ for a single parent and their children.

* Spend time with ‘family of choice’ if your regular family creates too much drama and stress for you: Yes, family may get angry or hurt if you decline to visit them for the holidays; on the other hand, put your well-being first to avoid the crazed spectacle that can be family gatherings. https://www.nedratawwab.com is Nedra Glover Tawwab’s fabulous website with lots of wisdom about relationships and boundaries. Ms. Tawwab is MSW, LCSW, is a New York Times best-selling author, licensed therapist, and sought-after relationship expert. Here is a post that may help lots of us get through the holidays; it was posted by a friend and I thank her for sharing this intelligence:

“We can’t always avoid being the villain in someone else’s story, even when it feels like an injustice, but, we can …advocate for ourselves and choose happiness and peace when they choose unkindness and mean-spiritedness.

A Few Reminders for People with Difficult Family Relationships

1. You are not alone. There is no such thing as a ‘perfect’ family.

2. You are not obligated to have relationships with unhealthy people.

3. You do not have to like every person in your family.

4. You cannot create healthy relationships with people who are not interested in having healthy relationships.

5. You are not betraying anyone by speaking your truth. You’re honoring yourself.

6. It’s okay to be different from the other people in your family.

7. You can create family relationships with people who are not related to you” (https://www.nedratawwab.com).

* If you are single, get together with ‘family of choice’ and do a pot luck meal or appetizers or desserts and do a ‘white elephant’ gift exchange that costs no more than $5.

* Set a spending budget and stick to it for gift-giving.

* Talk with your distant friends and family about foregoing gift exchanging this year: You may be surprised how relieved they and you will feel being ‘off the hook’ for buying more gifts. Think about how much you’ll save on mailing stuff, and, you won’t be standing in those long lines at the post office. Of course, you’ll need to have that conversation earlier in the season to get agreement on the change in gift-giving.

While I am not saying ‘don’t buy anything,’ I am encouraging spending down on gifts to avoid going into or adding to debt and spending more time together with people you genuinely want to be with.

The holidays can be purposeful, peaceful without going into debt and without profound stress. Think of the story of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Even little Cindy Lou Who doesn’t miss the toys; the Whos down in Whoville had joy and they had each other, and that’s what the holidays are all about.