Communication Cues

We’ve all heard pseudo tips on how to read nonverbal and verbal cues, for example, to see if someone is telling the truth. I’ve heard for years this one: if someone looks up and to the right, that person is lying. Is that true? If someone looks up and to the left, that person is telling the truth. Is that true? It turns out that these ‘rules of behavior’ are not true after all. A glance up and to the left supposedly means a person is telling the truth, whereas a glance to the upper right signals deceit. However, new research thoroughly disproves these notions. As it turns out, you can't smell a liar by where a person looks. In her article, “Notion that Liars Glance to the Right Debunked," Natalie Wolchover reports, “Researchers in the United Kingdom investigated the alleged correlation between eye direction and lying after realizing it was being taught in behavioral training courses, seminars [,] and on the Web without the support of a shred of scientific evidence. The idea has its roots in a largely discredited 1970s theory called Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), a set of techniques intended to help people master social interactions” (https://www.livescience.com/).

Ms. Wolchover describes the meticulous research conducted that refute the previously touted reading eye glancing conjecture. In one study, the researchers highlighted the obvious issue of right-handed and left-handed people and how their eyes moved up and to the left or to the right. Additionally, “In a second experiment, the researchers found that a group of 25 participants who were informed of the alleged relationship between eye movements and lying were no better at detecting lies than a second group of 25 participants who were not taught the rule of thumb” (https://www.livescience.com/). The researchers even identified ways to fool a polygraph. So, how do we learn to read verbal and non-verbal cues? And, a more pertinent question is, why is reading cues important?

Vanessa Van Edwards, bestselling author, wildly successful TED Talk speaker, and Behavioral Investigator with The Science of People, tells us what ‘cues’ are: “Cues are the powerful verbal, nonverbal, and vocal signals humans send to one another. They are social messages that convey hidden information about the people we are with. Cues can enhance your message or weaken it” (www.scienceofpeople.com/cues-summary). Ms. Van Edwards uses the top research on which to base her teachings. After reading two of her books, I decided to invest in taking her People School; it’s not cheap, so I had to truly commit to learning about how to captivate others, how to read and reflect cues that build rapport and relationships. While I’ve only completed three lessons so far, I see that my investment is profiting me in extraordinary ways in my personal and professional lives.

Why am I sharpening my reading cues skills? I recently lost two potential clients and one friendship (Ouch!) because I misread cues, didn’t notice subtle cues, and I didn’t adjust my approach to fit the people and situation (Ouch!). So, now I’m in school, People School, honing people skills. We all can sharpen our ‘peopling’ skills. If you are interested in learning more about Vanessa Van Edwards’ books and courses, see https://www.scienceofpeople.com. And, check out her videos on YouTube for some great information and tips on recognizing and using cues.

Thank you for reading my weekly blogpost. What are your thoughts on ‘reading cues’?