Alan And The Brussels Sprout

Thank you for stopping scrolling to read this parable.  I hope it brings a smile to your face and leaves you something to think about.

Last year, my brother Alan turned 60; to commemorate this auspicious occasion, I wrote this story with illustrations done by his oldest son.  It was a fun collaboration.  The hardback book, Alan and the Brussels Sprout, is not available to the public; so, I’m sharing it here because it turned out to be a parable that highlights several universal themes: preferences are personal, strategy is key, parents can be wrong sometimes, children can be resistant at times, and wait for the plot twist that life always gives to us.

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Once upon a time in the land of the Barksdale Bubble, a young boy bravely prevailed against his determined parents and a stinky Brussels sprout.

Alan was a mostly obedient child, quiet, and studious, curious and resolute, rational and quick-footed. He enjoyed raising Peruvian guinea pigs, growing herbs, making potions, playing the piano and violin, making up languages, hanging out with friends.  He DID NOT like Brussels sprouts.

Alan’s parents had the notion that they could MAKE ALAN EAT whatever they served him, including the evil Brussels sprout. They thought they were ready for the war of wills, but, they were sadly mistaken.

One evening, the parents served the evening meal which featured the vile, odoriferous, shriveled, hideous Brassica oleracea var. gemmifera, AKA Brussels spout.  While the parents discussed their day during mealtime, Alan sat there staring malevolently at the despised sprout of cruciferous vegetable torment.

Alan ate everything on his plate except the yucky, now cold sprout.  The parents were cleaning the kitchen, so, Alan asked if he could be excused to complete his homework for the following school day.  The parents stood their ground and said, “You will sit there until you finish that Brussels sprout."

At 9:00 p.m., Alan was still sitting at the table facing his green, wrinkly, reeking nemesis.  His mother took pity on him, at that moment, and shooed Alan off to bed.  Thinking he had won the war between his parents and the Brussels sprout on one side and himself on the other, he excused himself, did his homework, and got to bed much later than usual.

But, as it turned out, Alan only won a battle, a skirmish.  The next morning, Alan was awakened for breakfast and then to go to school.  To his surprise, a familiar stench and obnoxious sight sat waiting for him on a small plate: the repulsive Brussels sprout from the night before! Alan’s parents inherited profound obstinacy from their parents and that strength of will was applied to get Alan to buckle under, to eat that Brussels sprout.

Apparently, Alan held tight to his fortress of tenacity.  He refused to eat the day-old wicked tiny cabbage which had, by now turned a sickening greenish-brown.  Because he would be late for school, the parents decided to send Alan to school with no breakfast since he would not eat the leftover dreadful veggie.  Alan had won another battle.  The parents were perplexed.  What would be their next move?  What strategy would Alan employ?

When Alan got home from school that day, he was hungry; still, he had shorn up his staunch reserves for continuing the war.  HE WAS NOT GOING TO EAT THAT LOATHSOME THING!

As the evening meal came around again and the, now two-day old, Brussels sprout was still there waiting for Alan to break down and eat it, he simply stared at it.  When the father forked the sprout and attempted to force it on Alan.  Alan sprang into action.  He ran out of the house and scampered up the dogwood tree in the front yard!

His parents tried to get Alan to come down, but, when he asked if they would give up on the Brussels sprout and would not punish him, they held their ground.  Alan stayed in the tree until it was dark.  Another battle won by Alan.

The next morning, when Alan came to the breakfast table, the sprout was not there!  In its place was a glass of juice and a bowl of cereal.  Alan had triumphed!  He had won the war! Brussels sprouts were never forced on him again.  Alan learned several lessons about strength of will, character, creative solutions, and personal preferences.  The parents learned how strong their son was and also how to choose what wars are not worth fighting.

Many years later, when Alan grew to be a man, he embraced veganism; he learned to truly like Brussels sprouts and enjoys them often.  Perhaps, the morals of the story are 1. Never say never when it comes to food preferences, and 2. Never force your will on someone who is equally as resolute as you are.

The End

Yes, this is a true story. As for me and Brussels sprouts - I don't, won't, can't be made to eat them!

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